| When my friend Kate, who, let the record show, is | | | | on your hands. Don't feel bad, I empathise, I'm the |
| lovely and more than I deserve, signed me up for | | | | one writing this drivel. Nonetheless, take a moment |
| this site, I was genuinely pleased with myself. I felt | | | | of your ample time, and try to find any link - any link |
| big and clever 'cause I had a little corner of the web | | | | at all - between a sixty year old English guitarist and |
| to call my own, however tenuously. Still, as so often | | | | horny teenage lesbians. Answers, if you'd be so kind, |
| happens, a thought has come along and spoiled my | | | | to the usual address.Also, while we're on this subject, |
| little idyll.I bought some blue hair dye, the other day, | | | | let's stop kidding eachother and get right to the point: |
| to go undercover with a group of fascistic old ladies | | | | No matter how many times porn sites feature the |
| bent on world domination.Well, that's not true. To be | | | | word "free", it really isn't, and I, for one, am sick of |
| honest, I saw a cricketer with bright blue hair, once, | | | | this.Sure, sure, there are guys out there who meet |
| and much as I detest cricket I thought it looked | | | | real women. Guys who have interesting lives, and |
| good.So I finally got around to going through with it, | | | | who aren't shockingly pale and blue haired. Guys who, |
| and I noticed something. This hair-dye company has a | | | | if asked to participate in a bout of energetic |
| website.If you're anything like me, you have to ask | | | | bedroom gymnastics, would not be aghast to find |
| yourself why. To save you the trouble, I took a | | | | themselves sterilised by 18 hours a day's worth of |
| look.Well, let me say right off, seeing the site didn't | | | | computer radiation. (Sorry guys, but we are. Go on, |
| answer the question. I'll give you a brief run-down of | | | | check, I'll wait.)For the rest of us, a group in which I |
| what's on this site: A list of the various colours | | | | must sadly include myself, there is often little |
| available. Some white, person-shaped silhouettes with | | | | recourse but to tackle the problem alone. Is it too |
| hair in said colours. Nothing else.And, in this way, I've | | | | much to ask that some kindly, lecherous old |
| come to a conclusion. There are too many websites.I | | | | benefactor out there might take pity and distribute |
| have no objection to there being a diverse range of | | | | free, high quality pornography to us all?! Perhaps he |
| information sources available, but I feel I must draw | | | | does. Perhaps there is fantastic porn just waiting to |
| the line at things such as the hairdye debacle. In fact, | | | | be discovered, and it never will, because there are so |
| I'm going to go one further and suggest something | | | | many lesser, expensive sites clogging the net like so |
| radical:There is too much porn on the internet.I know, | | | | much shaven pubic hair in a drain.Alright, the analogy |
| I know, this may sound harsh, but hear me out. The | | | | was a little much, but you get my point.I'm not |
| other day, I was looking around on a file sharing | | | | saying I have the answers. I don't know how we |
| programme to see if I could find any interesting live | | | | would implement a purge of the entire internet that |
| music videos. I typed in "Clapton" and I swear to god | | | | leaves only the arousing and the useful, but I still say |
| one of the results came back "Horny Teenage | | | | I've had worse ideas.Incidentally, "Horny Teenage |
| Lesbians Part 2."Now let's be frank. If you've read | | | | Lesbians Part 2" isn't up to much. But there's a nice |
| this column before and are not my editor/therapist | | | | video of "Wonderful Tonight" going around... |
| other personality, you've clearly got too much time | | | | |