| I will attempt to educate you about cricket. | | | | batsman are some guys called slips. I think they are |
| Cricket is a game that is played by throwing a very | | | | called that because the ball slips between their fingers |
| hard little red ball at you, that you have to protect | | | | all the time. There's also a guy called long off, and |
| yourself from with a big stick, called a bat. It was | | | | others called square leg, gully, point, short leg, leg slip |
| invented by the English as an excuse to throw a | | | | and fine leg. Sounds like they get the players from a |
| rock at people from other countries without getting | | | | circus. And, no, fine leg is not a lady player. |
| into trouble. | | | | They hammer three little sticks into the ground |
| When your team is in to bat, you go out to bat until | | | | behind the batsman, called wickets. These seem to |
| you are out, at which point you come in. Then the | | | | be there to protect a guy who huddles behind them. |
| next guy to be in goes out until he is out and then | | | | They don't work very well though. The ball keeps |
| he comes in. When you whole team has been in, and | | | | knocking this little fence over. |
| all gone out, then the other team goes in until they | | | | The guy throwing the ball bowls for one over. When |
| come in once they are out. | | | | it's over another guy bowls for an over until it's over. |
| You can go out with a duck. Not that I'd want to. | | | | He throws the ball six times, unless there's a leg bye, |
| They're not all they're quacked up to be. Anyway, I | | | | or a wide, or a no ball, or he gives up. |
| digress. You can go out with a duck if you don't hit | | | | A cricket game can last up to five days. Hardened, |
| the ball anywhere significant. In fact, you can go out | | | | determined supporters bravely endure these five |
| with a royal duck, which sounds better, and is | | | | days of mind numbing boredom for their teams. It's |
| actually worse, if you don't hit the ball at all. | | | | quite inspiring. What dedication. At the end of the |
| Some guys have a maiden over. Alright! That sounds | | | | five days they normally run out of time, and the |
| better than a duck! This is when you don't get any | | | | match ends in a draw. |
| runs. Getting the runs is normally a very bad thing, | | | | Lastly, watch out for the double Nelson! This is when |
| especially in the middle of a board meeting. | | | | you have to stand on one leg, when the total score |
| Apparently in cricket, getting the runs is a good thing. | | | | reaches 111. I don't know what happens when you |
| A guy called a silly mid off stands in a place where he | | | | don't stand on one leg. Try it, and let me know, if |
| can get his head knocked off by the ball. Behind the | | | | you can! |